Thursday, March 12, 2009

So with life changing moments...lives change

So with the passing of my father I started to really sit back and reflect about what and who are important in my life and I am dedicated to living my life to its fullest. With that in mind I am really focusing on what I really should be doing with I time in this world and my once passion and drive to acquire my empire has been halted. My father taught me that family is the most important thing we have in this world and those who I consider family by blood or experiences have been taken for granted for too long. I will focus my life on spending more time with them and not allowing my thirst for conquest get in the way anymore. I will continue to be the very best person I can be in the business world but at the same time devote just as much, if not more, energy to being a person for my family. I really was able to see the true colors of a few people in my life and I am truly grateful and lucky that I have them in my life, they are who I do this all for. In addition to this I feel like I want to have an even better relationship with my brother and my mom, just spending more time with them and talking to them more. I am trying to take it one day at a time and I just have to stay focused and not get sidetracked, I know that if I put in God's hands I will be ok, so that's what I am going to do.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Dedicated to my Pops...

For those that didn't catch my facebook status my father passed away this past weekend...and its still not even real to me yet. I got a call from my mom at 4:20pm telling me that she had bad news and for some reason I immediately knew...I don't know what to say, feel, think, or react to this shit because no one close to me has ever passed. I have had family members pass over the years but no one this close to home...hell the last time I cried about someone dying was my dog Snoop my freshman year and that shit really broke me up...but my dad? Like for the select few who even met or knew my dad know that he definitely was a "unique" person lol. I am trying to remember him for who he was and not just him as my dad because I know he wouldn't want me sitting up in the house sad and crying. For the few hours it was kinda crazy but I had no emotions...I was completely blank...tried to take a shower to relieve a bit of the edge...had a few drinks...nothing. Then after I dropped off Moe to work it hit me...I won't ever see his face...hear his voice or him laugh...hug him..nothing. Like even with him living in Pennsylvania I was always subconsciously comforted by the reality that he was only an email, telephone, road trip or plane ride away and not that far out of touch....that all changed yesterday. I won't be able to ever have a conversation or see him again. With that realization coming down over me so did all the emotion that I guess I hadn't realized either...I let it all out but it doesn't seem to have to helped that much because even after all that...the pit in my stomach and heart hasn't subsided. I got a few calls, emails, text and messages from friends and family, trying to help ease the pain and comfort me and although it has definitely helped...its still not enough. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone...and its not until I lost someone really close to me that I truly understood that...I will live my life with that in mind and remind those that mean something to me that I care about them because you might not have the chance to do so past this moment. I know my dad knew that I loved him and I know he loved me...but I wish I could just tell him one more time.

You weren't the perfect father, but you were the perfect father for me...I Love you Pops.