Valentine's Day...

Oh goodie Valentine's Day...a day to get those special someone's in our lives gifts and emotional anecdotes...well lucky for me that I technically don't have to get anyone shit! lol...that's pretty fucked up but I mean I got a budget and these holidays used to fuck me up back in the day...its not that I'm cheap but I am like most people aren't really in the mind frame to be trying to be grabbing multifamily buildings every year at this age so they aren't really worried about their spending habits. Maybe I am just cheap. I dunno. lol. Regardless though this year I don't have to worry about that this year so fuck it. I am a purgatory place in my mind right now although I'm fine I can't seem to find peace...a piece of time that's mine to not be bothered with a worry of nickles quarters and dimes. *Yes that purposely has a rhyme scheme and play with words* I feel like I am falling to the ground but I just can't seem to hit the bottom...just falling indefinitely and its really starting to get to me. I am trying to maintain and sustain my sanity but it's getting more difficult day by day primarily due to the reality that without this much needed push I won't reach my destination. I am trying to remain optimistic about the outcome of this situation but pessimism is peering over my shoulder like tomorrow eventually eclipses today.

I have spent the morning working out financial plans depending on certain situations and even with my base minimum I will be set off on a perfect playing field, however I would have preferred to get somewhat of an advantage but that's not looking likely. I was talking to my momma recently about this and as funny as it was its fucked up that its true, "our family never gets a lucky break, we have to struggle and fight for every opportunity we get. We just aren't that family that will be the ones to win the lottery." I am not complaining because I don't mind the struggle, the struggle is what made me who I am but damn...I would love to get a free meal one day. I guess I won't escape the hustle and the hustler in me...ah well back to grinding.

My valentine is Sphinx...what did he get for this special day? Food...and he couldn't have been happier.